62 Days to Change: Day 3 – Fighting Internal Turmoil


Yay, I’m no where near this, but I thought the pic looked good, lol!

Today I had a serious struggle to wake up and workout.

I think I woke up every 30 to 60 minutes between about 5a.m. and 8a.m.

This getting up early thing is tough, but it’s made me realize the hardest thing many of us have to overcome when we’re trying to break free of old habits is ourselves.

Anyway, I finally woke up at 8a.m., praying to God for strength the entire time, and went to my kitchen to take my pre-workout supplement.

Since it takes between 15-30 minutes to kick in, I used that time to change into my workout clothes and do a 15 minute visualization of me with my perfect body.

By the time I came out of my visualization I was excited and ready to workout.

I must admit working out is getting a little easier.

I did notice some times during my workout today where I was fatigued and bored.

With that in mind, I’ll be coming up with a few variations of what I can do on non-cardio days.  The yoga workout was surprisingly challenging (I’m new to yoga, so this is from a beginner’s perspective) in that the pace was fast and I end up sweating quite a bit by the end of the workout.


Frustrated studying

Overwhelm & disgust…two emotions I felt keenly at my failed attempt to study this morning.

Now here’s where my challenge has come in.

I’m attempting to study for one of the professional exams I want to take and found myself unable to focus for more than 5 minutes!

The problem really is this, I absolutely loathe and despise my current career (the one on which I’m currently on a health sabbatical from), so I have a monumentous battle raging on the inside of me every time I go to study for one of the exams to go further in that career.  My head tells me it’s the logical choice so when I resume working I am more of a qualified applicant.  But my heart (which I wish would really cooperate with me on this!) is in absolute rebellion on this.

The result was that I end up closing the books after only reading for about 5 minutes and had a good cry/vent session with myself.

Is this normal?

I’m trying so hard to do what I think I’m suppose to be doing, but I absolutely hate every aspect of it.  Honestly, because my motivations have nothing to do with career, I’m just trying to numb myself to the fact that I have to get this certification and study!  My emotions won’t let me.  Because I’m determined to do this, I’ll try again later on today once I’ve calmed down.

It’s being disappointing to have to fight yourself so hard on something.

Ah well, this is my struggle.

Signing off until tomorrow.

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photo credit: Sweet Carolina Photography via photopin cc
photo credit: The Ice Writer via photopin cc


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